Guest Post: Food as Connection

Today we have the pleasure from hearing from guest blogger Ashley Solomon, PsyD. Ashley is a therapist who specializes in the treatment of eating disorders, body image, trauma, and serious mental illness. Please check out her fabulous blog Nourishing the Soul. Nourishing the Soul is a look at how our relationship with food can become distorted when our minds, bodies, and souls are not properly nourished. This blog provides a forum for discussion of these distortions, as well as offers news and views on the latest in the field of disordered eating, recovery, and healthy living. You can also follow her on Twitter @nourishthesoul. Enjoy the post!

Food as Connection: Guidelines for shared meals
Stacey hadn’t eaten a meal with other people in almost three years. The thought of having someone else bear witness to her eating patterns and food rituals was overwhelming and terrifying to her, which made eating with twelve other women in her treatment program all the more painful. While she was consumed with anxiety at the first meal, each one became easier. And what Stacey discovered was that there was something incredibly intimate about sharing food with someone else. Something she hadn’t let herself experience – and had missed – for far too long.

While Stacey’s story may seem extreme, many among us can identify with anxiety around sharing meals. Perhaps we are worry that we eat too much, that our food choices are not healthy enough – or are too healthy, or simply that we hate having to talk while eating. In my work as a therapist who works with eating disorders, fears around shared meals come up often.

Eating with others is inherently connecting. I’m sure, if we tried, we could explain this phenomenon from an evolutionary standpoint – something about cave-people joining together in pursuit of the day’s sustenance or whatnot. But the fact is, sharing meals is an integral part of human relatedness. We “break bread” as a sign of intimacy, of respect, of love.

For people who struggle with eating issues, meals that are shared might need some guidelines to feel safe and at ease. Consider the following suggestions for making meals with friends and family more comfortable for everyone:

Choose a Comfortable Setting – If you’re feeling anxious about a shared meal, consider how to make the environment most comfortable. Do you prefer to go to a restaurant or invite others to your home? Do you want something more formal with courses or for everyone to dig into to shared appetizers? If you’re going out, what kind of setting makes it easiest to talk and converse?

Share the Love – Encourage everyone to contribute to the meal so that it feels like a joint effort. Don’t take on all of the cooking responsibilities yourself, nor let someone else. Sharing in the creation of the meal is part of the bonding experience and can help everyone feel a sense of ownership.

Avoid Food or Fat Talk – While at the table, stay away from talking about the food. This can be challenging, as you might see if you try it. It’s amazing how much of our mealtime conversation often centers around food. But think of how much richer the discussion can be if we explore topics other than the spiciness of the enchilada. Also avoid talking about the nutritional aspects of the food or about weight. It’s hard to enjoy a meal when your friend is telling you how what she’s eating (the same as you!) is going straight to her thighs.

Say No - It's important to use your voice when your heart or stomach - is telling you so. Remember that you can politely say, "No, thank you," to more macaroni if you're too full - Aunt Sally will just have to get over it. You should also speak up if the conversation is making you uncomfortable.

Developing comfort in sharing meals can not only help to reduce disordered eating, but can add so much meaning to our lives. Bon Appetite!
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Mindfullness VS. Concentration- Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius

You know when you hear a word so much it starts to lose it's meaning?  Mindfulness is a catch word I've been hearing about A LOT lately. But what does it actually mean? I talk about mindfulness with my clients quite a bit. In fact I'll be talking about it my newsletter this month (still time to sign up, I'll be sending it out early next week).  

While on Twitter yesterday, I came across one of the most fabulous blog posts on Mindfulness by Paul Overton on the blog "Every Day is Awesome, Because Cynicism is Exhausting."  So a big thank you to Paul, who has graciously allowed me to re-publish his blog post here.  Enjoy the post.

So, I was thinking about the difference between mindfulness and concentration the other day (turns out, there’s quite a big difference), and Wile E. Coyote naturally came to mind. I’ll often try to pair up difficult philosophical concepts with their cartoon counterparts so they are easier to digest and stay with me longer. (Hey, I never said I was Socrates.) Besides, most all of the aspects of the human condition can be found in Warner Brothers cartoons, so it’s as good a place to start as any.

Wile E. has several things going on at once that contribute to his busy, yet ultimately unsatisfying, existence. Paramount among them is his relentless pursuit of the Road Runner. Nobody can accuse him of not having a pinpoint focus when it comes to his favorite adversary, and although he uses it in misdirected and harmful ways, he is nothing if not committed to his cause.

The problem is that, while our friend is capable of setting elaborate traps and making complicated plans, he lacks the ability to carry any of them out to a successful conclusion because he is incapable of having the insight that would allow him to see the fruitlessness of his endeavor in the first place. In a perfect world, Wile E. would possess both a laser-like focus and an expansive, mindful quality that would allow him to see the reality of his situation and perhaps be able to avoid running off cliffs, blowing himself up, and being crushed by so many boulders.

So would I.

Concentration, at its core, is just the ability to force the mind to focus on one object to the exclusion of all else. Skillful use of concentration can be a powerful force for good. Unskillful concentration is usually harmful, especially when it is directed in a way that is intended to do damage to others. So when you picture Mr. Coyote unpacking his latest purchase of deadly cargo from the Acme company and carefully assembling it, you can see that lack of concentration, even if that concentration is misguided, is not his problem.

His problem is that he’s got nothing to temper that laser-like focus with. He lives in a world where there is only the Road Runner and the end of the Road Runner. Every single action he takes, in every minute of every day, is directed toward the bird’s destruction, with no attention given to why he even feels the need to catch him so badly. Obsession, greed, and craving are what drives his single mindedness, leaving no room for any balance in his life. He lacks the ability to see his life clearly and objectively from a distance. He is unable to look through any lens besides the one he has always known. He is determined to stay blind to the truth.

Back at the cave, our friend Canis latrans is steeped in concentration, as he assembles his rocket skates, but seriously lacking in the mindfulness department. If he weren’t, perhaps he’d be asking himself what his motivation is in chasing the Road Runner in the first place. Perhaps he’d see that his life is passing him by as he pursues his single minded goal of catching what, he thinks, will bring him happiness. Maybe he would wake up to the fact that harming the road runner is tantamount to harming himself. Perhaps he would realize that freedom from the Road Runner would allow him to have a more meaningful purpose to his life. But then, that wouldn’t be a very funny cartoon, would it?

**NOTE: If you were expecting an episode of Ten Minutes of Awesome today, I have pushed it back by a day because it will include a very special guest that, due to her touring schedule, could not record an interview until today. The podcast will appear at 12:01 am on Wednesday morning.

"Paul Overton is a prolific blogger, maker, writer, and ukulele player living in Durham, NC with four dogs, two co-conspirators, and a lawn that makes his neighbors want to call the authorities. He delights in the unusual and can often be found in his tiny studio next to the record shop, whipping up some sort of self-indulgent nonsense for his own amusement."
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Dare to be Different

Trying to lose weight (or at least talking about trying to lose weight) is a popular thing to do. It's culturally acceptable and even socially obligatory to be dissatisfied with the size and shape or your body.  One client recently said to me "I feel like a freak because I'm the only grad student NOT on a diet."  Say WHAT!?!

And with the start of a new year, all of the diets are being advertised and sold with a vengeance.  If you have been reading my blog and don't already believe me when I say diets don't work, check out this stellar post by rock start dietitian Evelyn Tribole.  She nails it with research and practical advice.

So you may be asking, what does work?  It's not sexy, but slow/sustainable changes you can manage over a lifetime does work.  In fact, my brother said it best as we were enjoying some cinnamon rolls over the holidays. "So Marci, what you are talking about on your blog is eating one of these cinnamon rolls, rather than skipping it or eating three?"  You've got it!

So here are some more specific strategies to get you started:
1.) Start listening to your body. You can use this scale as a guide.  Notice how often you are in the white zone.  Strive to steer clear of that zone as often as possible.
2.) Prioritize your health by committing to at least 7 hours of sleep each night. Learn more about how sleep affects your weight here. 
3.) Join the #MeMovement with fab RD Rebeccah Strictchfield! Commit to putting you and your health first, no apologies.

So dare to be different by letting go of body and weight obsessions.  Dare to be different by taking care of yourself, trusting that as you do so, a healthy body will naturally follow.  Dare to be different...and you just may find a much happier and healthier you.

Your very different dietitian in Cambridge
Marci
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Is Sugar Addicting?

Is sugar addicting? I recently received an email from a friend who had this question. She felt that she was completely addicted to sugar and wanted to know my recommendations on how best to detox her system.  Little did she know, she was asking a question that researchers and scientists seriously debate.  Just google the term "sugar addiction" and you'll see a litany of results and no real consensus.

Healthy Weight Week

Mindless Eating & 80% Full

I’m reading a book for my book club called “Mindless Eating” by Brian Wansink.  You’ve probably heard of it.  Professor Wansink has made his food lab at Cornell famous from such experiments including stale popcorn and endless soup bowls, to name a couple.

Essentially, he studies the subconscious cues which encourage all of us to overeat.  In his book he provides a multitude of suggestions to outsmart ourselves.  One of these suggestions I thought was particularly interesting.

Apparently, in the Japanese culture people eat until they are “no longer hungry.”  Yet we all know from experience that most Americans eat until they feel full, overfull, and often stuffed.  The concept of eating until “no longer hungry” has a phrase “hara hachi bu” which essentially means “eating until you are just 80% full.”

So as you dive into your next meal, pause half way through.  Can you envision your stomach and what 80% full might look like?  Take a step further.  Could you stop eating at 80%?  See if you can take this idea on as a challenge.  It’s not easy and it takes some practice.  But it feels pretty good to walk away from the table satisfied but not stuffed.